As some of my fellow ex-Ridley curates have commented elsewhere, I seem to be somewhere near the top of the Ridley Leavers 2007 Funerals list, although I am only averaging just over 2 a month since I started taking them. Up this way anyway there is a tendency for mourners to turn up at the church and cemetery clutching single roses to throw onto the coffin once it has been lowered. Sometimes the funeral director provides rose petals to be thrown in. And recently I took a funeral at a crematorium where the mourners turned up with single roses to put on the coffin on the catafalque (wonderful word!) before it descended. (Which they either forgot to do, or there was no occasion to do as no one had mentioned it to the funeral director or me.) Some funeral directors here say that it has been unusually busy since Christmas. Others say that it's always like this but what is unusual is the large number of people up to about 20 years old who have died - many in road traffic accidents. And there are some very large roadside shrines around at the moment.
Add this marking a death by doing something like making a shrine or throwing flowers onto the coffin to what seems like an increase in people flouting cemetery and churchyard rules for decorating graves, and I start wondering if there is a pastoral need that isn't being met. Churchyard graves can only have a suitable headstone of a suitable size and material with suitable wording, plus an integral plinth that may have an integral flower holder. Anything else is forbidden - for the very practical reason that it makes it possible to keep the weeds and grass under control with the minimum of effort and cost. But people put all sorts of things on the graves. They use lawn edging to build a border and cover the grave with marble or gravel chippings. They put plants, wreaths, scarves, rugby shirts, toys, photos, and flower holders on the grave. And they get upset when the churchwardens remove all the forbidden things. There is nowhere in a churchyard to put the stuff legitimately and it would take a faculty to create anywhere - if the powers-that-be agreed anyway.
The obvious place for commemorative stuff is the church itself - after all there are plenty of monuments in churches already. There is space in many churches for a remembrance corner of some sort where people could leave flowers or momentos, light a candle, write a prayer, pray, whatever, just sit for a while. But many of our churches are closed and locked except when there is a service. So there just isn't anywhere for 'stuff' other than the grave. I suspect that some of the increase in people visiting cathedrals owes something to this need to remember or do something when someone dies. It would be interesting to provide a place for graveside 'stuff' alongside specific pastoral ministry for those who put it there and see what happened.
I've got the second funeral of the week tomorrow...
Add this marking a death by doing something like making a shrine or throwing flowers onto the coffin to what seems like an increase in people flouting cemetery and churchyard rules for decorating graves, and I start wondering if there is a pastoral need that isn't being met. Churchyard graves can only have a suitable headstone of a suitable size and material with suitable wording, plus an integral plinth that may have an integral flower holder. Anything else is forbidden - for the very practical reason that it makes it possible to keep the weeds and grass under control with the minimum of effort and cost. But people put all sorts of things on the graves. They use lawn edging to build a border and cover the grave with marble or gravel chippings. They put plants, wreaths, scarves, rugby shirts, toys, photos, and flower holders on the grave. And they get upset when the churchwardens remove all the forbidden things. There is nowhere in a churchyard to put the stuff legitimately and it would take a faculty to create anywhere - if the powers-that-be agreed anyway.
The obvious place for commemorative stuff is the church itself - after all there are plenty of monuments in churches already. There is space in many churches for a remembrance corner of some sort where people could leave flowers or momentos, light a candle, write a prayer, pray, whatever, just sit for a while. But many of our churches are closed and locked except when there is a service. So there just isn't anywhere for 'stuff' other than the grave. I suspect that some of the increase in people visiting cathedrals owes something to this need to remember or do something when someone dies. It would be interesting to provide a place for graveside 'stuff' alongside specific pastoral ministry for those who put it there and see what happened.
I've got the second funeral of the week tomorrow...
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